Tuesday, April 7, 2009

My Sundown

Early morning work day means early afternoon off. Very nice day out; sunny and bright. I want to enjoy the warm weather, but do something worthwhile.
Goal: Put on sun dress and dance/walk the mile and half to the grocery store.
Result: Put on sun dress and dance/walk the mile and half to the grocery store.

Goal: Pick up some necessities, mind my own business, and walk/dance my way home.
Result: Walk around grocery store, pick up cough drops and chili cheese Frito's. While minding my own business be approached by creepiest man/child alive (actually only calling this guy creepy is like saying Kim Jong-Il is just a little misunderstood). Creepy man/child is wearing skinny jeans in my dream target weight size, a keffiyeh, a bright colored shirt, and has dyed black, hot ironed straightened hair. He followed me around the grocery store for several aisles before he approaches me. He wastes my time for about ten minutes. I somehow find out he's in a transition from an Ecstasy induced lifestyle into a drug free one, no I did not ask, he told me. Does this dude not understand that I am not interested in talking and all I want to do is compare the size of two green onion cheese balls?

Overall Goal: Get home safely.
Overall Result: Somehow gave grocery store stalker my real number. Good move, Emily. Good move.

I would just like to put it out into the universe that if you are currently rehabbing, on parole, or jonesing for any illegal substance then steer clear of this little girl.


Traci said...

Gah! Em! Fake number, girlfriend. Fake number...

melimba said...

yeah, i don't know who is crazier---the nut job at the store, or you for giving him your REAL number?! :)
you kill me.

like me, you must crack under pressure, eh?

thanks for the great story.
and, let's just make sure you are screening all your calls from now on. just in case...

Katie said...

Em you need to memorize some random number. I gave out the number for Dominoes pizza in 5th grade. The guy never bothered me again, but he probably got some sweet pizza out of the deal.

Katie Irion said...

Oh geez Em. Must steer clear of men who wear smaller size pants than you. Never, ever a good match. I will not repeat what everyone else has said but you better watch your back and call me if you are kidnapped.

megs said...

oh oh oooh! what happened with the grocery store stalker and him having your number!?!?!? :)

erica said...

It's okay Em, I used to give out my number to strange men all the time when I really shouldn't have. (Please see KY Juli for hilarious stories.) Hang in there, this too shall pass. Haha, not funny!

Ryan and Rikke said...

Emily! I know you had/have a grocery store stalker and here I am blog-stalking you. I just found your link off of Erik's (Simper) blog. Hope you don't mind. I'm so glad to see (read) that you're still as funny as I remember. By the way, didn't our days of dragging State teach you anything? Fake number. Alway the fake number. And I have to agree with your sister's (I think) comment: it's never a good thing when a guy can compare his leg with yours and say "Hey, your leg's bigger than mine." Not a good pick up line. Anyway, hope all is well with you! Sorry for the novel.

Rikke (Philipoom) Gillespie

Were you Ginger, or was that Danno?

susie said...

What?! You gave him your real phone number?! Oh, Em. Reminds me of the lesson my dad taught me. "Never say no to any boy who has the guts to ask you ask." Well, that bit of advice got me a stalker for 4 years. I now have a perfectly balanced sense of compassion and paranoia Thank goodness you live in the day and age of caller ID. Would have done me wonders at the time. (Am I seriously that old that I lived before caller ID? The answer is sadly yes.) Love ya Em! You kill me! Hope to see you at wedding when we come!