Old Mrs. Hubbard

Since I turned 25 on May 26th, I have been called "ma'am" on four separate occasions. I hate that.

Home Again

After successfully filling 3 of my cavities and having one root canal my family and I went to Virginia to see my brother and his wife(Virginia was almost as fun as being on laughing gas in front of your co-workers). Remember how I got a camera for Christmas? Remember how I've just learned how to download pictures on to my computer? I'm so 2000 and late. I like to write, but I also really like seeing pictures on peoples blogs so I decided to put pictures on my blog, I love fitting in. So here is our trip to the East.

I didn't take that many pictures. I have actually only taken 97 pictures since Christmas. I need to try harder. Plus Virginia is really humid, so we all look really gross. Especially my bangs.

Fear

Fact: I am a complete hypocrite. I have been working in the dental world for about nine months now. Everyday I sit on my high assistant chair and literally look down upon our patients and judge anyone who comes in to get work. Some days I judge harsher than others. "Eww, four fillings? Is she homeless?" "Oh, really you hate coming to the dentist office? Haven't heard that before." Occasionally there are days where I am put in charge of the cleanings of young ones under the age of twelve. Also occasionally one of my little patients will get a last lecture about the importance of oral hygiene. This all changed when I, finally after almost a year of working at Highland Park Dental, had my first hygiene appointment. Kind of my first hygiene appointment in about four years. After I got scheduled for two 1 hour appointments, because my teeth were so dirty the normal 1 hour appointment was not long enough, the dentist/my boss gave me terrible news. I have eleven cavities. 11. I am humiliated. It was all I could do to come into work the next day. So while my experience here at the dental office may have taught me just how exactly a root canal is performed I guess I missed the very basic lesson on brushing and flossing my teeth. Obviously I have to assume this is karma.

My Sundown

Early morning work day means early afternoon off. Very nice day out; sunny and bright. I want to enjoy the warm weather, but do something worthwhile.
Goal: Put on sun dress and dance/walk the mile and half to the grocery store.
Result: Put on sun dress and dance/walk the mile and half to the grocery store.

Goal: Pick up some necessities, mind my own business, and walk/dance my way home.
Result: Walk around grocery store, pick up cough drops and chili cheese Frito's. While minding my own business be approached by creepiest man/child alive (actually only calling this guy creepy is like saying Kim Jong-Il is just a little misunderstood). Creepy man/child is wearing skinny jeans in my dream target weight size, a keffiyeh, a bright colored shirt, and has dyed black, hot ironed straightened hair. He followed me around the grocery store for several aisles before he approaches me. He wastes my time for about ten minutes. I somehow find out he's in a transition from an Ecstasy induced lifestyle into a drug free one, no I did not ask, he told me. Does this dude not understand that I am not interested in talking and all I want to do is compare the size of two green onion cheese balls?

Overall Goal: Get home safely.
Overall Result: Somehow gave grocery store stalker my real number. Good move, Emily. Good move.

I would just like to put it out into the universe that if you are currently rehabbing, on parole, or jonesing for any illegal substance then steer clear of this little girl.

After All

Recently I returned from California for a quick Spring Break celebration in Disneyland (Yes, I just went in September, so sue me.) with parts of my family. Rich, Deb, sister Katie, Baby Grace and I packed up Rich's totally butch truck and made the long drive. Disneyland was eye opening in many ways like it has never been before. In my normal life I like to flatter myself into thinking I am an average looking female, but in Disneyland I am like WAY above average on the pretty scale. This isn't because I actually look more attractive with Splash Mountain soaked clothing and stringy hair, it's because there are a lot of unattractive people in this small world. Once you put me in a theme park with average Americans I am the Goddess of Beauty.
It.

Was.

Glorious.

I say these bold comments with all confidence in the world and I thought these same comments the entire vacation. I thought all these things while wearing this:

Yes, those are Minnie Mouse ankle socks, actually I'd actually prefer if we referred to them as "bobby socks" then I sound retro not lame.

Near and far.

I am in a serious abusive relationship, luckily it isn't currently with a person. It's with text messaging. I love certain things about the text messaging. I hate so many more things about it. One of the best days of my life was the day I discovered google text ( I can get weather info at anytime!). That day only to be topped by the day I was introduced to Cha-Cha. Text messaging is so convenient. It makes staying in touch easier. Sometimes I think I am even way funnier on text message, but then there are other times when I don't translate at all over text. Texting goes like this for me. 1)Think of a response to the question/statement sent. 2)Try and be funny. 3) Write text. 4) Read text out loud. 5) Send text. I would guess that maybe once a week a sixth step of also getting approval of text message from a friend before sending is also added. Unfortunately there are too many times I send my text without properly thinking. Sometimes the message doesn't translate to funny, I'm pretty sure it just sounds abrasive. Oh and I always get much too bold over text. This is a true story; I had a decent sized crush on a boy who would occasionally take me to dinner. Anyway, over time I found out he had a on again/off again girlfriend, thus making it impossible for him to fall in love with me. One night, fairly late I decided to send him this text message, "I know you love your girlfriend, or whatever, but I know you would have more fun with me." WHA-WHAT? Why would I do that? I'll tell why, because I could. I could easily send him a message making such a bold statement because it was over text. I can do anything over text, I'm invincible. Well, invincible for a very brief amount of time, then I go down in flames. It is usually a 6 to 7 minute time span before I realize what I just did. I always regret it. It takes several hours and many friends to talk me out of the texting shame. Text messaging has ruined my life, several times over, but that doesn't stop me from loving it.

Sasha Fierce.

Yesterday I a made a lot of bad decisions. The biggest bad decision I made was cutting my own bangs. When I said biggest bad decision I meant, I made a seriously terrible mistake. A mistake I will be paying for at least a period of two weeks. I hate myself.
Bangs-1 Emily-0